Hilarious Quotes

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers

Before marriage, many couples are very much like people rushing to catch an airplane; once aboard, they turn into passengers. They just sit there.
Paul Getty

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
Mark Twain

No woman ever shot her man while he was doing dishes.
Anonymous

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg