I do benefits for all religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
Bob Hope

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.
G. K. Chesterton

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Groucho Marx

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he’s completely draped in it. Then he’ll stand up and go, ‘Hey, I’m Vine Man.’
Jack Handey

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Dave Barry

The only real diet: If it tastes good … spit it out.
Unknown

One of the best things people can have up their sleeve is a funny bone
Unknown

If you’re an ant, and you’re walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.
Jack Handey

Now time to SMS these hilarious quotes to your friends.

1- Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

2- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

3- There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

4- An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

5- Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

6- When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.

7- Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

8-  If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

9 - A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

10 - Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
Winston Churchill
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Carl Gustav Jung
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As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
Albert Einstein

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Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
Will Rogers

More funny quotes will be available soon this website.

Do post your comments here.